Sorry I didn’t post this on Friday, I had a real busy day filled with skipping classes and getting drunk. But at this point after watching five weeks of football, I can’t think of anyone who is more deserving of a nice fuck you than Tony Romo. I mean come on man, if you’re going to date the finest females in the celebrity world (Jessica Simpson and Candice Crawford), you gotta back it up on the field. I’m sick and tired of hearing everyone giving this vag the benefit of the doubt for his shit performance and choke-shows on the football field. Maybe he should take notes from Tom Brady, guy has a kid with Bridget Moynahan, then decides he would rather date the hottest supermodel in the game Gisele Bündchen, wifes her up, all the while tearing it up as the best quarterback in the NFL. Listen Tony, if you’re guna date smokes, you gotta have the stones to back it up, and judging by your horrendous performance, you ain’t got em. So, in conclusion, fuck you Tony Romo, fuck you.
Now everyone and their mother hates LeBron, including myself, which is why I was so excited for the Heat Cavs game on Thursday. There was so much, hype, they even beefed up security like the fuckin president was coming to Cleveland. And after all the hype, death threats, what have you, Cleveland tucks their tail between their legs and let’s LeBron ravage them from start to finish. That’s how you know that Cleveland doesn’t deserve any sports teams. Like are you really guna let some douche embarrass your entire city, and then come back and do it again on the court? Better believe shit like that wouldn’t go down in Boston, he’d be assassinated before he got to the Garden. Gimme a break. Like did you think the boos in the intro were enough? It’s LeBron fucking James, the guy lives off hatred, he’s like Hades of some shit. The city of Cleveland is like that short skinny kid that always talks shit when the huge kid isn’t there, but when the huge kid comes around, the skinny kid is quiet as a mouse. And it’s not even worth it to mention their excuse for a basketball team, the most physical they were with Queen James was the huge hug each one of them gave him before the game like he was their boy or something. Cleveland sucks so much LeBron had to leave his own hometown just so he can come back and embarrass it. And so, Cleveland throws its white flag up to LeBron, and will cower in a corner until the next opportunity they have to boo him from afar. Cowards.
I was having a real hard time deciding who to do for Fuck You Friday today, until I came across this article that Eva Longoria filed for divorce from Tony Parker. Now that part is whatever, but as I’m scanning the article I see that HE FUCKING CHEATED ON HER. Like are you kidding me Tony Parker? You do know that you’re married to the Eva Longoria, right? You know, the goddess of a woman that’s been a spank bank staple for boys and men across the globe for decades? The Desperate Housewife that keeps the show alive with her bangin body and angel face? Jesus Tony figure it the fuck out. I don’t even need to see the chick he was cheating with, which was his teammates wife by the way, to know that Eva is ten thousand times hotter tan her. Like really, it’s Eva fucking Longoria. It’s just a Man Law, if you get a girl MILES out of your league, you lock her up and make sure you keep her, not cheat on her with some married woman. Good Lord I’m speechless. Eva, fuck Mario Lopez, if you need a shoulder to cry on hit me up.
Okay so I was originally not going to do LeBron for Fuck You Friday, but then as I’m watching ESPN I see LeBron whining because he’s playing TOO MANY MINUTES. Are you fucking kidding me? You act like your team change is a fucking CNN story and now you’re playing too much? Sack up LeBron, stop crying because your playing too much basketball. Hike up your skirt, get out there, and start producing some “W”s like you said this off-season. I’m sorry but I’m sure if you asked Kobe Bryant he’d say he’s not playing enough. Kobe pisses 44 fuckin minutes, he’d play the whole damn game if Phil Jackson let him. Rajon Rondo and Paul Pierce would die on the court if they could take the last shot or get that game winning assist. So you take a seat on your padded chair on the bench LeBron, you must be winded from all that talk you can’t back up. Let the big boys play, you catch your breath while the Celts run you up and down the court. Grow up, kid.
Just to let everyone know, “Boise State” Zenyatta the horse lost by a nose. That’s what happens when you compare an undefeated horse to a fucking football team. Now the sports world is right again.
The headline of the ESPN video is “Ain’t What She Used to Be.” First of all, ain’t what she was this morning? And if thats not a death sentence in a headline I don’t know what is.
Okay so if I do another Fuck You Friday, it’s probably guna be a person, but all this hype about this horse is enough for an exception. So I’m watching ESPN right now, and some ass-hole field reporter is talking about some race horse named Zenyatta, and comparing her to NCAA football. Are you fucking kidding me? He just said Zenyatta is like Boise State. So you’re telling me a female horse that’s won 19 races is like a top ten college football team? First of all, nobody even gave a shit about her until the Breeders’ Cup started getting press. Now all of a sudden sports analysts are saying she’s better than the 1972 Dolphins because they lost next season. I’m sorry but I call bull shit, she’s a damn horse. She runs fast. Besides this is her last race anyway and after she’s done they’re guna breed her with some guy horse then take her out back and pull an Old Yeller on her ass. Then a week later another horse with some ridiculous name will win a couple races and people will compare it to the fuckin NFL. Give me a break.